The fear of not being perfect has held me back in almost every area of my life.
Crippling. All consuming.
I have to be the best.
The constant pursuit of success
give give give
Perfectionism is a slippery slope to self-hate. Constant criticism, unmet and unattainable goals.
The Bully inside me likes to remind me of all the ways I could fail, of all the ways I could never measure up.
The Bully never takes my side – playing devil’s advocate,
“Well, what if [insert worst-case scenario here]?”
The Bully tells me she means well, that she is keeping me grounded and realistic.
Well, why can’t my success or just my happiness be realistic?
Am I undeserving?
What is the best way to face the Bully inside? How do I deal with her? Silence her? Ignore her?
The pursuit of perfection ultimately leads to nothing. I am frozen by fear of judgment, mostly criticism from the Bully. No work gets done. No text gets written. I would instead not even take the chance, because it could mean I fail. Then what was the point anyway?
Hence the two-year hiatus, I suppose.
I threw myself into my corporate role, choosing to give my creative energies to my 8 to 5 job, rather than use my creativity for me. I feel safer lost in the crowd, knowing what I have to do, being told what to do, and excelling at my role—staying within the parameters, living within guidelines. By doing so, I know the outcome, there is less chance of failure, and I don’t have to be so vulnerable.
Out of curiosity – how do I stay motivated to pursue my own creative goals and passion? Can I circumvent the persistent naggings from the Bully?